I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
