After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
His nipple licking is glorious
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