Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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