what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
