I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
