I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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