I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
