good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
