Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
