I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
