Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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