I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
