thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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