I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
