she woke up with a sticky ear
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is it because I queefed?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
