Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
