Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
