Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
