I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't turn off my feet"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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