Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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