My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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