These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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