My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize