I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize