We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
