her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
