The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
