i need an iv and a liver transplant
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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