last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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