Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
