Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
