so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
