Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
