The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
