Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
