What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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