I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
