Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
