I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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