Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
