I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
