I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
