You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
