Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
