Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
