life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
