shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
