He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
