I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
