I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
