i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
