im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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