I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
