i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
