I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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