I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Vodka?
Forever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
