at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
