My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
