please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
