Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
