I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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