i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
